How to almost play fight truck

This is a reflection on one of my favorite games, FIGHT TRUCK. It is not an especially safe, or even possible, LARP to play if you are concerned about legal and first aid issues, but reading the game text alone is a journey every queer punk should enjoy. Go read Fight Truck, then come back and read my fictional account of the LARP in action.

Content note: both this story and the source game include a) curse words and b) descriptions of consensual queer punk hand-to-hand combat.